


my heart falters.

by evangelistofstars



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Loss, Loss of Faith, Sad Ending, Sadness, Self-Doubt, Song Lyrics, Tears, This Is Sad, Underworld, Waiting, i'm so sorry y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:04:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16653928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evangelistofstars/pseuds/evangelistofstars
Summary: Orpheus, the undersignedShall not turn to look behind,She's out of sight,He's out of his mind,And all alone, his blood runs thin,And doubt comes....Doubt comes in.





	my heart falters.

_The devil take this Orpheus_  
_And his primadonna kiss._  
_Beautiful. Poisonous. Lovely._

 _Deadly._  
  
Orpheus walked on for forever. Or of course, it seemed like forever. He had no concept of time anymore, that had came and went with the very same wind that had taken his Eurydice away from him. But he had been walking for what felt to him like forever, and he felt it certain it would take him another forever to get out. That is, if he’d even make it out alive.  
  
_Now it thickens on my tongue  
Now it quickens in my lung  
Now I’m stricken, now I’m stung!  
It’s done already! _  
  
The journey in had been rough, that was for sure. But the biggest trouble then had simply been surviving long enough to make it past the gates, and enter the hot, whirring land of machinery and workers that was Hadestown. The journey had been long and hard, full of misery and despair, but Orpheus had held on fine with a hopeful mindset and cries of _“Wait for me!”_ He had never doubted that he’d make it to Hadestown, or even that he’d be able to get her back.  
_  
Dangerous, this jack of hearts.  
With his kiss, the riot starts. _  
  
The journey out, however, was entirely different. The dark and cold was the same as the journey in, and Orpheus wrapped his jacket more tightly around him. But the uncertainty of this journey, was entirely new and different. And it was that that caused Orpheus to question his entire existence.  
_  
Orpheus, the undersigned  
Shall not turn to look behind  
She’s out of sight  
And he’s out of his mind _  
  
He started to question if Eurydice was really behind him. If she was really safe, or if Hades had just tricked him into believing it. Of course he would fall for that. Naive, gullible Orpheus, always assuming everything was gonna be fine. He now understood how stupid he had been. He could’ve sworn he’d heard her voice, calling out to him, saying his name, but he couldn’t know if that was actually her. What if it was simply the wind? Or a trick of his mind, just his subconscious trying to calm him down? Oh the terrible wind. It could be her, but he didn’t know what to think.  
  
_Every coward seems courageous  
In the safety of the crowd  
Bravery can be contagious  
When the band is playing loud _  
  
Orpheus had journeyed into the Underworld alone. But he had not felt alone. He had his music, and Hermes’ words, echoing in the back of his head, and as he entered the Underworld all by himself, he had felt as if the entire world had come with him. He was alone in body, yes, but he had not been alone in spirit.  
  
He watched Hadestown whir past him, the bright lights and blazing heat, and whirring sounds of machinery and workers’ chants, fading to silence, and cold, and darkness. And suddenly, Orpheus felt alone. There were no spirits to guide him, no instructions from Hermes ringing in the back of his head. There was no hope, no confidence, no cries of _“Wait for me!”_ Just him and the darkness, and a shadow, a phantasm, of Eurydice behind him, a shadow that he didn’t know at all was even there. In truth, he did not know if he was truly alone or not. But suddenly, Orpheus had never felt so alone in his life.  
  
_Nothing makes a man so bold  
As a woman’s smile and a hand to hold _  
  
Orpheus remembed back to when they first had met, that fateful day in the field of flowers where he’d asked her to marry him.  
  
_“Are you always this confident?”_ she had asked.  
  
_“When I look at you, I am.”_  
  
And that was where his confidence had fell. Eurydice had been his solace, his reassurance, his confidence and hope in life. It was because of her that he had been able to carry on with a smile on his face, even on the hardest of days. And it was because of her, that he had known he could make it in. He knew he could find her. He found her, and assumed, that nothing could ever go wrong.  
  
_But all alone  
His blood runs thin _  
  
Without Eurydice, Orpheus lost all confidence. He could not turn around to look at her, nor could he know if she was even really there. She was his confidence, his solace, his hope, and without her, all of that was gone. He was a hopeless man, a shell of his former self, but he hadn’t given up all hope. He carried on, into the darkness, hanging on the mere thread that just maybe, she was behind him, and just maybe, he’d be able to get her out. But small amounts of hope could only get a man so far.  
  
_And doubt comes...  
Doubt comes in. _  
  
His heart faltered. Orpheus still held the lyre in his hands, the same precious lyre that had carried him into the Underworld, the same lyre that had won him Eurydice’s hand and heart. He held the thing tenderly in his fingers, frozen with the cold, and began to play a tune. Nothing much, just a little melody to keep him going, a little bit of music to keep himself from giving up hope. Softly and unsurely, he opened his mouth, and began to sing a song.  
  
But this song was different, _very_ different, from the song that had gotten him in. There was no hope, no pleading, no cries of _“Wait for me!”_ Just sadness, and despair, and words he couldn’t quite place. But suddenly he stopped singing, though his hands were still plucking at the lyre, unable to find in his mind or his heart, the song that he had begun. Without Eurydice, without knowing that he would ever get to see her again, his heart forgot every song it had sung, and all that was left was sadness.  
  
Orpheus kept walking, for several more forevers, or what felt like several more forevers, as he now understood what forever actually was. He almost stopped several times, giving up his hope and motivation, but there was something within him that had kept telling him he should go on. His songs had long ceased at this point, every word of them forgotten, his heart had no memory of even singing a song in the first place. But still, he kept on walking, if by some whim of the mind that Eurydice would be okay.  
  
_Just keep on walking, and don’t look back._  
As he had when he entered the Underworld. There were several times when he’d _thought_ about looking back, but he didn’t. He couldn’t dare. He could not afford to lose his Eurydice.  
  
He kept walking. He didn’t look back. He couldn’t look back. He just kept on walking until he reached a place that looked different from the rest of the walk. There was light, although Hadestown was far behind him now, and Orpheus looked up and he saw stars. The air was a little warmer, the road a little kinder, and as Orpheus looked around, he found himself in a grassy field.  
  
_This must be the end of the Underworld,_   he thought.  
_We’re out! We made it out! We’re safe!_  
  
Orpheus turned around, thinking everything was okay. If he was out, she must be too, she was safe and everything was fine. So for the first time in what felt like forever, he turned around to look at Eurydice. Everything was going to be okay.  
  
But Eurydice had not made it out. She was still several steps behind him, not in the grassy place yet. This time, she was the one singing cries of “Wait for me!”, but Orpheus could not hear her.  
  
_“You’re early,”_ she said.  
  
_“I missed you.”_  
  
Eurydice screamed out, and it was then that Orpheus realized what he had just done. He had been given one instruction, and he failed it. He’d never see Eurydice again.  
  
He watched as she was dragged back into the Underworld, kicking and screaming, and calling out Orpheus’ name.  
  
He had lost her forever.  
She was gone, and he’d never see her again.  
  
Suddenly, Orpheus fell to the ground, his whole body shaking in a cacophony of noiseless, convulsive sobs. He couldn’t believe what had happened. He had come so far! He was sure he’d made it out, that it was safe to turn around, but now she was back in Hadestown, a slave to Hades’ labor for the rest of her life. A living mortal could only enter the Underworld once. He could not get her back.  
  
Sadly, in agony, Orpheus raised up his voice,  
And sang a song of a love gone wrong.  
The only song his heart could remember,  
And possibly the _last_ song,  
That he would ever sing again.  
His body shook, as his lips cried out,  
 _Eurydice._


End file.
